Day number three is drawing to a close and I'm super homesick, especially with the epic snowstorm pounding the Fort right now. I know it's a major stress for many, but I've always LOVED a good snowpocalypse. The last truly amazing one I remember was in 2007 when I was living on campus at Taylor and school was actually cancelled for not one, but TWO DAYS. Those days were spent sledding next to Ramseyer and drinking hot chocolate with best friends. It hurts not to share this awesome cave-in weather with people we love.
Not that I can complain. Actually, I can, so here goes: I miss home. I miss my Marmee. I miss being able to call up a bunch of people I've known from spans ranging between one and 20 years. Today we went to a service at a small church with really friendly people and even while we were talking with them, I just wanted to yell, "You're STRANGERS! Where are my real friends?" After church, I went with Ryan to lunch at a frozen yogurt place...the only true cure for the grumpies. For three days we've been moving and arranging and taking super intense naps.
That's something about moving that not many know...moving to a new place with confusing streets and an absence of knowing people makes you TIRED. Like, crazy tired. Finding my way to BI-LO, the southern equivalent to Kroger, drained me of an hour's worth of sleep. I'll think I know where I'm going and then, sure enough, I'm the exact opposite of where I thought and the brain synapses are over-firing, going, "Woah, what?" and then explode in a frenzy of trying to understand which way to direct my hands on the steering wheel. This is why children need naps, because they're learning ALL THE TIME. Everything is new and they're constantly trying to process all of this information. So when I get "home" from driving around and shopping an hour or two, it feels similar to waiting tables for a full shift.
While we don't see ourselves continuing to go to the church from this morning, a nice guy, Steve, told us about a brass concert tonight. We went to it and the music helped snap me out of some of my funk. Oddly enough, I snapped out of some of it by sinking deeper into the funk. As the band played upbeat renditions of songs from The Nutcracker and older hymns, I let myself miss the comfort and convenience of being home where I know where everything is and I know where to find people. I started thinking over this upcoming week and let myself feel down about not having a job or knowing anyone.
I thought over today, during which we met some nice people, but not "kindred spirits." I went to meet a guy about being in a play, but he forgot and we rescheduled as I drove back on the wrong streets, eventually winding my way back to somewhere resembling recognition. I stopped at several different places for groceries and to sign up for hot yoga where I walked into some fancy looking place and said, "Hey, I wanna try yoga," and 25 dollars later I had unlimited yoga for the next two weeks. Some lady who looked like she'd had about ten cups of coffee with how excited she was, said, "Oh, you haven't done yoga before? You'll LOVE it. I'm so excited for you!" I wanted to beg her to be my new best friend since she was the first woman I'd talked to other than the leasing lady and cashiers and the girl who sat next to me in church, asking me if I wanted to borrow a pen. Alas, the hyper lady then told me she's moving to Denver soon, so I settled on saying, "I'm looking forward to it," and then went to my car and got lost on some more streets.
Soon, I started getting really down, floating around in an existential, cyclical fog of doubts. "Why did we come here? I don't even have work yet. We don't have anyone to call to hang out with. Where am I going to find someone that I like to be friends with anywhere close to as much as I like my friends back home? I want to start trying for children, but maybe I shouldn't...we don't know anyone and how can I have a baby when I don't know anyone? Why don't I have a job yet? Who will I hang out with?"
And then in an epiphany coincidentally sounding exactly like the blast of a dozen brass instruments, it hit me....Ryan and I have only been in Greenville for THREE DAYS. Maybe calm down a little bit? Yes, I should calm down. I start my weekly improv class tomorrow night and there will be a time for the class to get to know each other better afterwards. I'll have yoga (UNLIMITED) this week and next. We'll keep trying churches. I'll MAKE people be my friend.
It's just that the the day's been a fog of doubts and worries, only aided by the fact that there's actual fog all over the city today. Although, when one of the men from church this morning saw and spoke to us at the brass concert, that small recognition raised my spirits.
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