Oh, the Place We'll Go!

I've waited way too long to write a blog about Ryan's and my trip over July. So long, in fact, that any blog of real detail seems way to intense for a lazy writer such as myself. But, being a morbid person, I was thinking last night about if toward the end of my life, I had to sit by Ryan's side as he died (again, these are my regular thoughts...I think I've always been a downer at heart, but don't worry, there's a point to this), what would I talk about with him regarding our life together? Because, as I thought about this situation (a lot of it mirroring watching my grampa die last April), I am certain I would be talking to him. And what would I say? I would definitely talk about our wedding and our wedding night (probably not in detail, though, since I imagine some children and grandchildren standing around, too...by the way, I don't recommend thinking about this sort of thing right before sleeping in the dark), but I would also talk about the places we've gone.

I'm so thankful I married someone who loves to travel. Last year when we decided to be a part of the Slovakia English camp this summer, we were already planning to visit my friend Marie who studied in Sheffield, England, this past year. Then, when we actually looked at a calendar, we saw how closely these trips were to each other. Basically, we would be coming back from England late on a Sunday and leaving for Slovakia on a Thursday! So, being the spoiled traveler I am, I thought, "Hmmm....would we be able to just combine these trips? I mean, hey, it would actually SAVE money with all the flying back and forth taken out." And somehow this worked. We basically spent all of July in Europe.

We left July 30th from the FW airport the day after that monster storm ripped through the city and basically leveled Lake Avenue. I was worried the airport wouldn't be up and running, or at least wouldn't be running on time, by the next afternoon, but we had beautiful weather the next day and easily made our flight in O'Hare.

On Sept. 1st we landed in Dublin, Ireland, and walked around the city for a few hours, and took a nap in St. Stephen's Green (after dumping our crazy heavy backpacks off at an internet cafe, which apparently all internet cafes now double as luggage holders) before taking the DART to Greystones. The DART is a train that runs just north of Dublin down to Greystones where I lived in the spring of 2006, studying through Taylor Upland's program. To say the least, it was a soul-grabbing semester. Don't get me wrong, it didn't always feel amazing, but even the mundane parts of that semester, I believe, changed me for the better.

So taking the DART again was like riding a memory...way too sentimental, but I love that freaking train. It runs along the east coast of Ireland where there are small beaches and rocky hills. Bray is the last stop before Greystones and by that point, I was super impatient to just see Greystones already. Soon we were passing through the tunnels that go through the tall hills separating Bray and Greystones. When we pulled out of the last tunnel and I saw the coastline of Greystones, it didn't seem real. In fact, none of the time in Ireland seemed real. We walked out of the small train stop at Greystones and when I stepped onto the main street of the small town, I don't even know...it was like stepping out of a Stephen King time machine...so many people were just walking around and driving, as if nothing had changed in the last 6 years. In a way, I guess nothing had.

We walked down the main street, took a right after The Happy Pear, a brilliant smoothie store, and then a left on Trafalgar Rd. It was crazy walking down that road. I didn't remember it being that long before we got to Coolnagreina, the place where I lived. But we soon found it and, boy, has it changed! There's still the main building where I stayed, but now it's mostly just used for the dining room, rec room, etc. They built on a whole new building across the lawn. I'm so glad I stayed in the old building in '06. It's made of sweet stone and just looks Irish. It was cramped and creaky, but I love that building. Ryan and I stayed in the new building for the next three nights. It's a nice building and all that, but a little too nice. I personally love old buildings, so it was kinda sad to think future study groups won't be staying in that lovely old building anymore.

BUT the harbor that's literally 10 steps away is still gorgeous. I hadn't expected that since they renovated the whole thing a year or two after my semester there. It was so surreal, trying to skip rocks with Ryan at the harbor (he's WAY better at skipping rocks than me). Soon we got cold (our whole time in Europe it was pretty much cold...there were a few moments of warm weather, but apparently it's been a cold summer) and went to The Beach House, a fancy pub-style restaurant on the harbor, and got tomato soup.

That first night we had a great sleep. Actually, I slept awesome that whole trip, mostly because I was so exhausted by the end of the day. We got up really early the next morning, probably around 6, which for me is equal to death, but I didn't even feel the grouchiness I thought I would. Our whole time backpacking, there wasn't one morning where I thought, "Uh...just five more minutes." So I was UP and ready to go for our first day, which was devoted to Northern Ireland. We rode trains that day for a total of 10 hours for 4 hours worth of time at Giant's Causeway, this awesome span of coast covered with naturally-formed, octagonal rocks that someone found themselves in massive piles you can climb on. So it was a long day of getting on and off trains, and running to the ATM before buses left (who knew they took pounds in Northern Ireland? Apparently, I'd forgotten this), but we thought worth it, considering the short time we had in Ireland.

When we got back that night, we'd been going going going for about 17 hours, which for me is crazy unusual, but it meant that when I went to sleep, I was OUT.

I've gone much more in detail than I thought, but once I start thinking about the trip, more things come to mind...and I haven't really gone into the intangible stuff, like how things smell (I have weird smell associations) or taste, etc. But it's stuff like this that I imagine telling Ryan. I want to cling to these moments since I can't imagine caring much about stuff like work and family drama and school toward the end of my life. So stay tuned for more updates on our trip...now that I've started, I'll try to finish!

Mom has breast cancer

What an unnatural statement. "Mom has breast cancer." It doesn't seem real, even as I'm in the waiting area where she's having her right breast removed. Maybe because I heard of the cancer just a week before Ryan and I left for 3 1/2 weeks. It's been over a week since we got back, but it's impossible to understand this reality.

Mom went in two hours ago with "yes" marked on her breast in Sharpie. As in, "Yes, you can remove me. Yes, you can chop me off as if I never mattered." And then what happens to it? I think they said it's sent to the lab...or at least parts of it.

PARTS of it. Once a complete entity and maybe even now a fragmented wreck. I'm actually not feeling this negative right now. There were some crazy moments on the drive down here, such as hearing mom cry for a few minutes of the drive. She's brave, but of course emotional. I don't know how to handle the grief. For some dumb reason, I felt annoyed when she first cried and realized that's my defense mechanism when I see my mom despairing. I hate that I get annoyed when she's suffering. So I kept reminding my annoyance to shut the F up and just allow ourselves to grieve.

At least hospital employees are held accountable to be nice. With some rather ugly moments the past few weeks where harshness prevailed despite this looming cancer surgery, we can use all the niceness we can get. And here's my special shout-out to all of you who have been so genuinely loving to us, especially my Marmee. And, Ryan's family, you are among the most supportive of all! I love my in-laws and not just in a pandering way! My mother-in-law actually prayed with my mom this past week and never underestimate the value of a supportive text!

So mom's officially in surgery and I wish I could say I had a clue what was going on. There's a social worker that will come see me periodically, but right now I'm just assuming no news is good news. Several people are concerned about me being here alone, but I'm actually glad for it in a way. I tend to be a loner when it comes to stuff like this and actually do pretty well in trying to keep myself occupied. Hey, I even almost have my W233 syllabus finished! Also, Kristin will be here later this afternoon, so I know I'm not alone this whole time.

As for mom, she's under anesthesia by now. How crazy is it that she won't remember any of the rest of this procedure? She'll just wake up and her breast will be GONE. I really can't imagine that. Of course, she was sad to say goodbye to it this morning. We took some pictures and wrote a song for it. If you know anything about my mom, that meant a lot to her. It's silly, of course...and to the tune of "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," I think.

Social work lady coming up....she just said they officially started the surgery at 1:18 and, as of 20 minutes ago, everything was going as planned. It will be nice when this is all over, of course, but especially because we'll know almost right away if any cancer was found during the surgery. That's mom's biggest fear so while it's unlikely it spread, at least we'll know more then!

Everything was said to take about 4 hours, but it will probably be closer to 3 since the reconstruction surgery is set for another few weeks. Not sure what else to write about....I should write a post about our trip, but I don't think I can focus on that kind of thing write now. I'm starting to feel more negative, thinking about the following recovery process. Mom should be able to come home as soon as tomorrow, but I really don't know how long until she'll feel "normal" again. I think if any of you want to help mom after the surgery, a good joke written on her FB wall would do wonders! It might be awhile til she's checking FB, of course, but she'll LOVE it if people flood her wall with good post-surgery jokes. I really love that that's my mom's main request before a huge surgery...a good joke.