Whenever I mention moving and any fears I have about it, most people say something like, "Well, you've traveled so much, it should be no problem for you!" This is somewhat true - I would definitely enjoy different scenery and local food and shifted perspectives, but I also have this crazy dramatic nostalgia that makes it difficult to leave anything behind.
My car, for example, is my best inanimate friend...second only to my bike...and my pillow (which has been referred to as 'a sack of dead squirrels'...apparently, I like pillows to be lumpy). I got it two weeks after I began at Taylor...so, Fall 2004. The keys to it were keys to the universe...I'd gone without a car for 8 months, which really isn't that long, but at 18, it was borderline tragic. Having to *gasp* walk and ride my bike everywhere mom couldn't drive me and feeling bad bumming rides off everyone...anyway, it made me love my car and the thought of a new car is fun, but not worth it at the expense of losing Violet, my brawny Saturn.
Likewise, I love the thought of a new place to call home...and that thought might be reality in 12-18 months. After talking with a supervisor at work, Ryan could be able to transfer to another Michelin plant in that time - there's nothing set yet...no where or what or when, but our top picks are North or South Carolina. I've only been in that area once, last December, but I don't see why either wouldn't be a fine state to try. It's warmer, close to a coast, and it's just DIFFERENT.
But I DO like my life here and LOVE my friends/family nearby. Sure, we'd make more friends we never would have otherwise, but there's always a silly thought of "what if EVERYONE in North/South Carolina sucks? What if we get there are are, like *Gob Bluth voice inserted* I've made a huge mistake'?" Ryan pointed out that we could ask that question anywhere we move and it's really not worth missing out on something amazing just because something bad MIGHT happen. It's kind of funny, really, how I feel like I'm the more random one between me and Ryan, yet the most hesitant.
Ah, but I do love the thought of moving. I know my life here, but I don't know it somewhere 9 1/2 hours away. We could easily settle down here in Fort Wayne, buy a house, start having kids, trust in the stability of Ryan's job, and never face a real urgency to ever leave. We could shop at the same stores for the next 7-8 decades (hey, I'm optimistic), I could teach the same classes, and use the same bank...but I already know, in general, what that life looks like. And it's not BAD - it's just too understood. I already know I don't trust God in change and what better way to FORCE myself to trust than by pushing myself out of the only city I've called home?
Diary quote time: "Why do I want to jumble up the convenience and ease we have going on here? Because if I don't jumble myself, I won't go. I'll stagnate and become bitter. I know these streets too well. I have the buildings outlined in my head...in many ways, the saying "the grass is greener on the other side" is misleading because what if you want the other side, but are still debating your current side's green-ness?"
Isn't it funny that generations before us fought so hard and shed so much sweat and blood so that we could have endless opportunities, yet it's those very opportunities that cause us so much anxiety? "Waaaa, I have too many choices." Pretty sure every oppressed generation of women (and men) would punch me in the face. If they did it at the same time, maybe it would smack some sense into me. What if everyone just moves with us wherever we go? You in?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Zombie Dreams
Just watched "Cabin in the Woods" last night and I had a night filled with zombie-killing dreams, mostly with people being eaten or brutally killed.
For the movie, have to say, not impressed like I thought I would be. I wanted to be impressed and was at some parts, but wow...won't ruin the movie for those who actually want to see it, but I'd say it's worth watching just for the end. Ridiculous. And sometimes ridiculous is worth it. Although, I recommend fast-fowarding the blood and guts scenes. Not a fan. It sincerely bothers me that torturing people is entertainment. I get it - it's fiction, it's not real, it's "just for fun." But shouldn't we ask ourselves why our brains find it fun? While we're not watching real torture, isn't the enjoyment of it the same? A student of mine said he loved the Saw movies and I just mentioned how I hate torture for entertainment. He said, "Oh, I love it." Part of me gets it - seeing characters acting out horrible situations where you go, "Oh, man, no way that just happened!" but when you really think about it, people really do LOVE watching others suffer
With that said, I think we forget the power of "mindless" entertainment. It's all "for fun" or "just a joke," but there are definite reactions in our lives whether we admit it or not. I used to say that what I watched didn't affect me. I mean, I'm not going to go out to some cabin in the woods and butcher up a group of teenage college students by impaling them with knives and bear traps connected to ropes. But if I'm honest with myself, it makes me devalue human life. And enjoy suffering.
I was watching a news clip of some woman from a baptist church in some southern state who, with her entire church of about 100 members, taunted family members at the funerals of their sons who died in Afghanistan or Iraq. They were soldiers who fought for our country...but were also gay. So this woman and her church thought it was honoring God to stand with signs that read, "God hates you" and "Thank God for dead soldiers" to get across their hateful belief that God hates gay people. How does this connect to Cabin in the Woods? Because, listening to that woman talk on the news, she ENJOYED human suffering. She wasn't cackling as they were stabbed to death, but in a way, wasn't it about the same? She smiled and laughed as the news anchor literally asked, "What is wrong with you? You should be ashamed", and ranted about "why won't you just obey the Lord your God? Repent, dummies." She ignored the obvious fact that she was enjoying and bringing about suffering to grieving family and friends. Instead of responding to that point made by the anchor, she kept ranting about why God hates them...as if she is the authority on God.
So I see a connection in the simple fact of suffering producing pleasure. We don't value other humans - which ironically the movie actually seemed to point out, while following the same "cut 'em, slice 'em" type of filmmaking. So, no, watching these movies doesn't make me want to go out and torture people, but they DO create an apathy or, even worse, enjoyment of watching suffering.
For the movie, have to say, not impressed like I thought I would be. I wanted to be impressed and was at some parts, but wow...won't ruin the movie for those who actually want to see it, but I'd say it's worth watching just for the end. Ridiculous. And sometimes ridiculous is worth it. Although, I recommend fast-fowarding the blood and guts scenes. Not a fan. It sincerely bothers me that torturing people is entertainment. I get it - it's fiction, it's not real, it's "just for fun." But shouldn't we ask ourselves why our brains find it fun? While we're not watching real torture, isn't the enjoyment of it the same? A student of mine said he loved the Saw movies and I just mentioned how I hate torture for entertainment. He said, "Oh, I love it." Part of me gets it - seeing characters acting out horrible situations where you go, "Oh, man, no way that just happened!" but when you really think about it, people really do LOVE watching others suffer
With that said, I think we forget the power of "mindless" entertainment. It's all "for fun" or "just a joke," but there are definite reactions in our lives whether we admit it or not. I used to say that what I watched didn't affect me. I mean, I'm not going to go out to some cabin in the woods and butcher up a group of teenage college students by impaling them with knives and bear traps connected to ropes. But if I'm honest with myself, it makes me devalue human life. And enjoy suffering.
I was watching a news clip of some woman from a baptist church in some southern state who, with her entire church of about 100 members, taunted family members at the funerals of their sons who died in Afghanistan or Iraq. They were soldiers who fought for our country...but were also gay. So this woman and her church thought it was honoring God to stand with signs that read, "God hates you" and "Thank God for dead soldiers" to get across their hateful belief that God hates gay people. How does this connect to Cabin in the Woods? Because, listening to that woman talk on the news, she ENJOYED human suffering. She wasn't cackling as they were stabbed to death, but in a way, wasn't it about the same? She smiled and laughed as the news anchor literally asked, "What is wrong with you? You should be ashamed", and ranted about "why won't you just obey the Lord your God? Repent, dummies." She ignored the obvious fact that she was enjoying and bringing about suffering to grieving family and friends. Instead of responding to that point made by the anchor, she kept ranting about why God hates them...as if she is the authority on God.
So I see a connection in the simple fact of suffering producing pleasure. We don't value other humans - which ironically the movie actually seemed to point out, while following the same "cut 'em, slice 'em" type of filmmaking. So, no, watching these movies doesn't make me want to go out and torture people, but they DO create an apathy or, even worse, enjoyment of watching suffering.
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