"I Am NOT Adam Lanza's Daughter"

When I first read "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother," I was encouraged by the "strength" of the author who was willing to bear her terrors in raising an emotionally-unstable son. Then I saw this...Disability and Representation... and now am annoyed that I fell into this sensationalism.

I think when I read the first article, I was immediately connecting "Michael" to my dad who was brain-injured when I was a baby and, while his normal mood was kind and loving and generous, he could often "act out" and become threatening. When I was in high school, he waved a gun at my mom and older sister while I was at school, and I slept with a butcher knife under my bed for the next year...just in case.

But I am not "Adam Lanza's daughter."

Anyone who knows my dad would know he's probably the most generous person you'll meet. Growing up, it wasn't uncommon for him to go out to Pizza Hut with my volleyball team after a game and pay for all 20+ people. That was his true heart. So, when he would throw an occasional tantrum, that tantrum DID NOT DEFINE HIM. His generosity and unfailing love for God, me, my sister, and my mom were his true definitions.

I'm not saying any of that to get any special props or sentiment, but to show that I KNOW the fear related to mental disabilities. I've lived that fear and battle with it almost every day. One of my biggest fears is to have a child that is emotionally or mentally disabled. I am terrified of that.

And YET I think it's ridiculous that the first article compared a son with Asperger's to a SCHOOL SHOOTER. The second article was a good dose of reality, showing that mentally-disabled people are STILL PEOPLE. My dad may have had limited moments of anger, but I would never put him in the same category of Adam Lanza. To compare ALL disabled people to school shooters, bombers, etc., is irrational and greatly harmful.

After every national tragedy, people want to know what caused it. Followed by, "How can we prevent it?" We want blame. We want accountability. I want those things, too, but at what cost to our humanity? Are we now going to further stigmatize the disabled? As if there isn't enough fear already. I'm talking to myself here, too, because this fear is real and comes from legitimate sources. We should have options for the welfare of the disabled and their families, but not at the personal cost of the very people we're trying to help. Don't compare the disabled to school shooters...otherwise you'd have to compare EVERY person to a school shooter.

There is evil in every single person's heart. There is potential for heinous acts of cruelty in every single person's heart. It is a choice every single person makes every single day whether or not to act on that inner evil. To lump a group of people as a larger threat than others is irresponsible. Sure, watch out for the disabled. Love them. Care for them. But don't label them as Adam Lanza.