Moving

Whenever I mention moving and any fears I have about it, most people say something like, "Well, you've traveled so much, it should be no problem for you!" This is somewhat true - I would definitely enjoy different scenery and local food and shifted perspectives, but I also have this crazy dramatic nostalgia that makes it difficult to leave anything behind.

My car, for example, is my best inanimate friend...second only to my bike...and my pillow (which has been referred to as 'a sack of dead squirrels'...apparently, I like pillows to be lumpy). I got it two weeks after I began at Taylor...so, Fall 2004. The keys to it were keys to the universe...I'd gone without a car for 8 months, which really isn't that long, but at 18, it was borderline tragic. Having to *gasp* walk and ride my bike everywhere mom couldn't drive me and feeling bad bumming rides off everyone...anyway, it made me love my car and the thought of a new car is fun, but not worth it at the expense of losing Violet, my brawny Saturn.

Likewise, I love the thought of a new place to call home...and that thought might be reality in 12-18 months. After talking with a supervisor at work, Ryan could be able to transfer to another Michelin plant in that time - there's nothing set yet...no where or what or when, but our top picks are North or South Carolina. I've only been in that area once, last December, but I don't see why either wouldn't be a fine state to try. It's warmer, close to a coast, and it's just DIFFERENT.

But I DO like my life here and LOVE my friends/family nearby. Sure, we'd make more friends we never would have otherwise, but there's always a silly thought of "what if EVERYONE in North/South Carolina sucks? What if we get there are are, like *Gob Bluth voice inserted* I've made a huge mistake'?" Ryan pointed out that we could ask that question anywhere we move and it's really not worth missing out on something amazing just because something bad MIGHT happen. It's kind of funny, really, how I feel like I'm the more random one between me and Ryan, yet the most hesitant.

Ah, but I do love the thought of moving. I know my life here, but I don't know it somewhere 9 1/2 hours away. We could easily settle down here in Fort Wayne, buy a house, start having kids, trust in the stability of Ryan's job, and never face a real urgency to ever leave. We could shop at the same stores for the next 7-8 decades (hey, I'm optimistic), I could teach the same classes, and use the same bank...but I already know, in general, what that life looks like. And it's not BAD - it's just too understood. I already know I don't trust God in change and what better way to FORCE myself to trust than by pushing myself out of the only city I've called home?

Diary quote time: "Why do I want to jumble up the convenience and ease we have going on here? Because if I don't jumble myself, I won't go. I'll stagnate and become bitter. I know these streets too well. I have the buildings outlined in my head...in many ways, the saying "the grass is greener on the other side" is misleading because what if you want the other side, but are still debating your current side's green-ness?"

Isn't it funny that generations before us fought so hard and shed so much sweat and blood so that we could have endless opportunities, yet it's those very opportunities that cause us so much anxiety? "Waaaa, I have too many choices." Pretty sure every oppressed generation of women (and men) would punch me in the face. If they did it at the same time, maybe it would smack some sense into me. What if everyone just moves with us wherever we go? You in?